Social Anxiety Disorder: How Can I Help Myself?

Social Anxiety Disorder is an illness and there are a variety of resources available which can help inform you about the disorder and help you manage your own social anxiety . However, the very nature of the disorder can make asking for help and attending therapy extremely difficult. But that doesn’t mean that there is no hope! There are things that you can do to help you manage your social anxiety, even if there is no particular cure.

1.      Set Realistic Goals & Divide Them into Manageable Parts

When you are trying to recover from an anxiety disorder, thinking about all of the different obstacles you want to overcome all at once can be extremely overwhelming. Instead of looking at recovery in this way, try to approach one obstacle at a time and set a game plan of how to do this. For example, if your social anxiety has prevented you from taking the bus, start by getting someone else to take the bus with you on a day when the bus isn’t busy and then again when the bus is busier. Next, try to take the bus alone to somewhere nearby when there aren’t many other people on the bus. Finally, try taking the bus alone on a busier day. If you try to manage your anxiety one fear at a time and approach each fear one task at a time recovery begins to feel a bit more possible and a lot less overwhelming.

“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.”
— ‘Little Women’ by Louisa May Alcott

2.      Separate What You Know From What You Think You Know

When you have social anxiety disorder your mind often sounds like this:

“They think I’m weird”
“They’re looking at the spot on my face”
“They hate my voice”
“If I take the bus I’ll have a panic attack and everyone will think I’m weird or crazy”
“If I talk to them I’ll stutter or not be able to think of something to say”

The thing is, we don’t know for sure that any of these things will actually happen. This is why it’s important to separate the things we know from our anxiety fuelled predictions. Try to logically analyse every reason you give yourself for not doing something and identify whether it has stemmed from facts or fiction. Once you know that there isn’t necessarily any weight to your hypothetical outcomes, it may still be a challenge, but it becomes a more manageable one.

3.      Challenge Your Worries

Ask yourself, what are you afraid of? Maybe you are afraid that people will think you are weird, or stupid, or ugly. If this is the case, ask yourself, why do I care? Let’s imagine that this is what people think of you, why does it matter? It doesn’t mean it’s true. If someone thinks you are weird for having a panic attack or stuttering, then they aren’t worth impressing. Amazing things happen when you stop caring about what the wrong people think of you. It’s not about not caring, it’s about carefully allocating your cares to the people and things that truly matter. Realising this can really aid your social anxiety management.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
-Dr Seuss

4.      Be Patient with Yourself

Don’t expect to make a full recovery straight away. It’s not necessarily about recovering all together, it’s about finding ways to manage your anxiety and reducing the use of coping mechanisms to increase your confidence by showing yourself that you are capable of facing your fears on your own. You may never remove your social anxiety altogether but

 

“Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you.” — Ovid