Am I Faking My Mental Illness?

As someone with mental health problems I’m very aware of some people’s refusal to accept that mental illnesses are real illnesses. This has always confused me, even before I was diagnosed, because the brain is an organ, like the kidneys and heart, so how can you accept that kidneys can fail and people can suffer from heart disease but completely dismiss the notion of the brain getting sick?

I recognise that some people seem to be more accepting of diseases of the brain like cancer, and so perhaps it’s not the brain as an organ which people dismiss, it’s the idea of our thoughts, feelings and personalities being reduced to chemical reactions that makes people uncomfortable.

It’s easier to feel superior when you believe that your mental health and happiness is a result of your actions and so anyone who is unhappy or struggling with a mental illness must be doing something wrong. But the world isn’t that simplistic. Humans are much more complex than that.

A mental illness is an illness, not a character flaw.

“We would never tell someone with a broken leg that they should stop wallowing and get it together. We don’t consider taking medication for an ear infection something to be ashamed of.”
-Michelle Obama

Or maybe because so many people with mental health problems suffer in silence, when they do speak up and seek help directly, people think “It must not be that bad. If they really needed help they wouldn’t be able to talk about it or ask for help.” 

Because of the stigma surrounding mental illnesses (people saying “You’re just too sensitive” or “You just need to get on with it”) people try to show that they are struggling and need help indirectly, either consciously or subconsciously. They may joke about being suicidal, post things so that people will ask you what’s wrong, or always say “I’m just tired” when you ask if they’re OK. But in this case, people think that “If they were really struggling they would just say so”.

It’s sort of a lose/lose situation. If you speak up you’re an attention seeker but if you say nothing you must not have it that bad. Either way, you’re 'faking it.'

Attention Isn’t a Dirty Word

The thing is, wanting attention isn’t necessarily a bad thing. As human beings we need attention to survive. As social beings, attention is crucial for mental wellness. We need to feel needed and loved and heard.

Have you ever considered that if someone is seeking attention so badly, maybe it's because they really need it? So why do we shame people for addressing this deficiency? Or because they need more obvious displays of love, support and attention than you do at this particular moment in your life?

Can you imagine how much better it would be if people could talk about their symptoms without being labelled as ‘desperate’ or ‘oversensitive’?

Can you imagine how much easier the recovery process would be if people could say “I’m not feeling great today, I need some extra love and support”, without fear of people judging you for being an attention seeker?

A lot of people say, “Well everyone feels like that sometimes, just get on with it like the rest of us”. And yes, some feelings and behaviours which accompany mental illnesses are universally experienced, like low self-esteem and loneliness, but they are not experienced in the same way, for the same reasons or to the same degree.

 And people with mental illnesses can’t simply ‘get on with it’. IT IS AN ILLNESS.

And if these feelings and behaviours are felt by everyone then why are you shaming people for talking about them?!

Feeling Like You Are Faking It

As a result of all of this misinformation, stigma, lack of understanding and lack of empathy, we often question ourselves. Sometimes we think, what if I am faking it? 

I didn’t leave my house in a week but some people haven’t left their house for years so maybe I don’t have agoraphobia. 

I’m not as skinny as that person so my anorexia must not be that bad. 

I laughed at that TV show earlier, does this mean I don’t actually have depression?

Saying we can’t feel bad because others have it worse is like saying that we can’t be happy because other people are happier or have it 'better'.

Maybe I’m just ungrateful. Maybe I’m just a pessimist. Maybe I’m just not a people person. Maybe I’m just shy or introverted.

Or maybe mental illnesses are…illnesses.

And maybe you deserve to have your mental illness validated, not dismissed.

“It’s not because I’m oversensitive. It’s not because I take it to heart. It’s not because I’m overdramatic. It’s because I have a mental illness.”
-Halsey

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