Interview With a Survivor of Child Abuse

November 27, 2017

Interview With a Survivor of Child Abuse

Q1. How did you first share your experience? How did others react?

It took me until 5 years after the abuse stopped happening for me to tell someone and another year and a half after that until I actually got professional help. When I used to think about it I would feel weak I would tell myself it was no big deal and I shouldn't be so dramatic. I told one of my closest friends first one day while we were on a walk. I honestly didn't think it would have phased her but she reacted by telling me she couldn't breathe and she couldn't believe what I was saying. I laughed and it still took me a while after that to really believe that it was a problem, I really thought I was just complaining about something that wasn't a big deal. My parents always taught me that it wasn't okay for anyone to touch me inappropriately but I never really paid attention to them and when it happened he acted like it was normal, especially because it was happening quite often to me.

It was after telling a friend that I started to have nightmares of what happened and it would just replay every scene and it was horrible which would then stop me from sleeping. The nightmares and my sleeping got so bad that my mood went down dramatically and so it was then at the age of 16 I realised I needed to get help or I was going to end up doing something very stupid, and this is when I reached out properly and told my parents and got the professional help I needed.

Q2. Do you have any advice for friends and family members of people who have experienced child abuse?

It may seem obvious but be patient with them. This isn't something they'll get over in a day, it takes a lot of time and effort. Also don't treat them any different or look at them with sadness or pity, this was something that frustrated me the most. It made me feel as though they thought of me as a different person but I was still me. Yes try to be understanding but remember that there's a difference between empathy and sympathy.

Q3. What do you wish people who have never had such an experience could understand?

It feels as though a lot of people who haven't experienced sexual abuse don't realise that it makes us feel so ashamed of ourselves and I know even to this day that when I talk about it, it still makes me feel worthless and even unclean. For so long I just felt so distant from everything and as though I was watching everyone else continue on with their lives and I was just stuck replaying my past. So i feel it's important for people to understand that people can feel stuck for a while after something like this occurs.

Q4. Do you have any advice for anyone in a similar position to you?

Talk to the right person. Yes it's important that what happened is discussed but tell someone you know cares about you and wants what's best for you because it is much more likely they will try their best to help you and get you the support you need.

Q5. Is there anything you would like to say to your abuser if you could?

Honestly I don't ever want to see him again but if I did happen to come face to face with him I'd just like to see what his reaction to seeing me again after all these years would be, just to see if he remembered and realised what he had done.

Q6. How has the child abuse affected your teenage and adult life?

I've been going out with my boyfriend for around a year and a half and it has only been in the past few months I've stopped jumping when he would reach to take my hand or show any form of physical contact. This is something that I've found very difficult to overcome as it wasn't something I was choosing to do, it was a natural reflex. However, overtime as I grew to trust him it happened less and less often and now it has got to the point where it never happens.

Also a big thing in my life that has been affected by the abuse is my sleeping, there has been quite a number of nights where I have been too scared to sleep because I was having nightmares that just replayed the whole situation over and over.

Q7. Was your abuser ever held accountable legally? How helpful do you think this is for the recovery process?

Nope. I went to the police station to put in a statement once but I was only 16 and absolutely terrified. I was told that I would have to speak about every little detail and my parents and family would see it and this was something I just couldn't bare thinking about. Honestly for the sake of my family I think it's better that I didn't follow through with it and I really don't think it has affected my recovery too much because I think if I would have been making a statement against him I would have been much more afraid of him and the consequences.

Q8. Are there any resources, such as websites, charities, books or movies which you found helpful?

There wasn't one website in particular that helped me but I found that reading and listening to other people's stories really helped me.

Q9. Is there anything else you would like people to know?

If you have been abused in any sort of way please remember that you are just as important as anyone else. What has happened you doesn't have to take over your life, it will feel impossible at the start but it is so possible to get through.