Loneliness & Mental Health

Regardless of how introverted you may be, humans are truly social beings. We have a fundamental drive for friendship and inclusion in group life. When this need for social relationships is met we find it easier to stay motivated, challenge ourselves, feel more confident and handle difficult situations.

Evidence has shown that when this need isn’t met it negatively impacts both our physical and mental health. For example, Cohen et al found that sociability could predict susceptibility to the common cold: the greater the degree of sociability, the less likely the person was to develop a cold. Unmet social needs have been connected to the erosion of arteries, high blood pressure, and even problems with learning and memory.

This isn’t to say that more friends equals better mental health. It isn’t just about the quantity of social relations, the quality of these interactions are also important. Loneliness isn’t just about being alone, it’s more of a subjective experience of isolation. It’s OK to feel lonely but chronic loneliness is something else entirely. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, being around the wrong people is lonelier than being alone.

 “It would be too easy to say that I feel invisible. Instead, I feel painfully visible, and entirely ignored.”
― David Levithan, Every Day

And we all have different social needs, you may thrive with a large group of friends or you may prefer a small group of close friends. With each unique mind and personality comes a unique set of social and emotional needs.

Loneliness and Mental Illness

If our expectations regarding certain social relationships are not met, our body reacts and alerts us that something is ‘wrong’, through stress hormones and feelings of anxiety and over time this creates difficulties with our regulation of emotions associated with loneliness.

So, stress hormones, cardiovascular function and immune functions are negatively affected by chronic loneliness but it can also lead to anxiety and depression if we continuously reinforce our negative thoughts, sensations and behaviours. It’s a difficult loop to break away from because loneliness can damage your mental health but having poor mental health can also make you feel lonely. For example, social isolation can be a huge factor in loneliness which in turn leads to depression. Then, once depressed, low self-esteem and anxiety can result in people isolating themselves from friends, family members and activities they normally enjoy. Similarly, anxiety disorders often result in avoidance which increases the loneliness even further.

Our cognitive awareness of a social deficiency heightens our feelings of isolation, emptiness and misery whilst strengthening our ever-growing desire for contact. Over time, these feelings tear away at our emotional well-being.

When we feel isolated we feel empty and when we feel empty we do anything to fill that hole; food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, cigarettes.

It has been proven that social skills are essential for health, which is why mental illnesses are so debilitating. They all impact these social skills either directly, like social anxiety disorder, or indirectly, through factors such as self-esteem (e.g. eating disorders) and delusions (e.g. schizophrenia). When you struggle with socialising, you may hate going out and talking to people but that doesn’t mean you don’t wish you could socialise, or don’t wish you enjoyed socialising. Finding social situations difficult doesn’t mean that you don’t experience loneliness, in fact you usually experience it more strongly.

What Can You Do?

1. Start by interacting with people online - Join an online community and discuss your interests with those who share them.

2. Leave the house every day - Even if you don’t talk to people, seeing other people will make you feel a little more human and a little more connected than you would feel by sitting inside all day.

3. Volunteering – Helping others can positively influence your mental health. It gives you a purpose whilst offering social connections.

4. Keep in touch with friends and family members - Try to meet up in person but when this isn’t possible utilise technology. Call, text, facetime. Contact is key, even if that’s through a phone or computer.

5. Go beneath the surface – A lot of people find it difficult and uncomfortable to talk about their thoughts and feelings but this is the key to true human interaction. When you’re fighting chronic loneliness talking about the weather isn’t always enough. Share your problems before the weight becomes unbearable.

“When you're surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you're by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you're really alone.”
― Fiona Apple

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