Depression: What is it like? What are the signs?

WHAT IS IT LIKE?

Imagine everything you ate tasted of nothingness. You may try every food available, desperately trying to find something with taste but when you can’t find anything you start to eat purely for survival. You no longer experiment with different ingredients and recipes. You don’t treat yourself to something unhealthy or expensive, or go out to eat, or watch cooking shows because it all tastes the same. It all tastes like nothing.

And when you tell people, they all try to find the one food that brings your taste back. They say, “Oh well, you’ve never tried squid!”, or “You wouldn’t say that if you tried my famous peanut-butter cookies!” or “but pizza is amazing!”

In a way, this is just like depression. Everything kind of feels the same because nothing really feels like anything.

So you go into autopilot. ‘Survival mode’. You discard what used to make you happy and focus your limited energy on the bare minimum. Eat, sleep, wake up, repeat.

You stop showering because doing so won’t kill you and you’re just going to get dirty again, so what’s the point? You stop seeing your friends because staying at home requires less effort for the same outcome. You stop talking to people. You stop getting out of bed. You stop taking care of yourself. You may stop eating because you don’t see the point or eat a lot more in a desperate attempt to feel less empty.

You may continue to go out and talk to your friends but only to stop them from realising that something is wrong, not because you enjoy it.

Everything you do is simply to keep you alive and after a while you may question why you’re even doing that.

“If you are chronically down, it is a lifelong fight to keep from sinking.”
-Elizabeth Wurtzel

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS?

1.       Emotions
-Continuous low mood or sadness
-Feeling hopeless
-Feeling numb
-Feelings of guilt
-Low self-esteem
-Crying a lot
-Or not being able to cry when a sad even occurs
-Feeling angry or being irritated very easily
-Feeling intolerant of other people
-Feeling lonely even when you are surrounded by people
-Lack of motivation
-Lack of enjoyment, even out of the things you used to really enjoy
-Continuous anxiety or feelings of worry

2.       Thoughts
-Expecting the worst
-Continuous negative thoughts
-Thinking that nothing seems worthwhile
-Poor memory
-Poor concentration
-Thoughts of suicide
-Difficulty making decisions
-Being overly critical of oneself
-Blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life

3.       Physical
-Fatigue (regardless of how much sleep you get)
-Sleep problems (insomnia or hypersomnia/struggling to stay awake or get to sleep)
-Restlessness (the person may find it difficult to stay still, they may constantly pace the room, pick their nails etc.)
-Lack of energy
-Feeling worse at a particular time of the day (usually in the morning)
-Changes in weight (dramatic weight gain or loss), eating (overeating or undereating) and appetite
-Constipation
-Moving or speaking more slowly than usual
-low sex drive
-changes in your menstrual cycle

4.       Behaviour
-Not doing things you used to enjoy
-Not doing well at work or school
-Leaving the house less
-Procrastination
-Taking part in fewer social activities and avoiding friends
-Neglecting hygiene (showering, brushing your teeth, etc.)
-Self-harm (cutting, burning, hitting, etc.)
-Having difficulties in your home life
-Difficulties maintaining relationships

“Depression exist without you knowing it, even denying it. It is not an illusion. You don’t even know you’re in it. It takes awhile before you realise it.”
-Ann Marie Aguilar

Depression can be difficult to recognise because it can often come on gradually. A lot of people don’t realise that they are unwell and try to cope with the symptoms on their own. You may think it’s just a phase or simply a new personality trait.

You may even think you deserve to feel this way or that you don’t deserve help, but that’s not true.

Depression is an illness and illnesses can be treated.

“One of the hardest things was learning I was worth recovery.”
-Demi Lovato

If you liked this post you may also like:

1.       Depression & the Symptom we Rarely  Talk About

2.       Phase One: Stay Alive

3.       Things That Won’t Happen When You Are Dead

RESOURCES:

DEPRESSION

www.mind.org.uk/Depression‎

www.rethink.org/Conditions/Depression‎

Supportline Telephone Helpline - 01708 765200 / email - info@supportline.org.uk

Action on Depression (Scotland) - www.actionondepression.org

Aware Defeat Depression (Northern Ireland) - 08451 202961 // www.aware-ni.org.uk

Breathing Space (Scotland) - 0800 83 85 87 / www.breathingspacescotland.co.uk

CALL Community Advice and Listening Line (Wales) - 0800 132737 / www.callhelpline.org.uk

SUICIDE

The Samaritans (UK & Ireland) - 116 123

Lifeline (Northern Ireland) - 0808 808 8000

The Samaritans (America) - 1 (800) 273-TALK

Lifeline (Australia) - 1-300-13-11-14

National Crisis Line (Netherlands) - 0900-1450

National Suicide Prevention Line - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

National Suicide Prevention Line for the Hearing Impaired - 1-800-799-4889.

National Hopeline - 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)

National  Youth Crisis Hotline - 1-800-448-4663